I Know Who I Am

I had to write the following essay for my english class and I really like it, so I thought I'd share.

I Know Who I Am

I’ve always been chatty. Always. I’d accepted that it was just part of who I was as a person. But I never imagined that it would become my defining characteristic! Let me set the scene for you; I’m sitting in room 602 at Whittier Elementary school. It’s the first week of sixth grade and Mr. Ianni is giving everyone a nickname by which they will be known for the entire year. When it came my turn, and I was given the name Jabber Jaws, I really wasn’t surprised. In fact, I kind of liked it. Little did I know that this name, or rather the meaning behind it, would plague me for the next several years.

In my mind, people expected me to be loud and talkative. So that’s what I was. I liked the attention it brought me. One day, a school counselor from my junior high walked into class and said: “There are three major forms of communication. Telephone, Telegraph and Tell-a-Lewis.” All through sixth, seventh and eighth grade I was loud, obnoxious and talkative. If I had been given a dime for every time I was told to shut up I would’ve been a millionaire. My parents were always receiving phone calls from exasperated teachers. I received warnings, dirty looks and detentions. But all the trouble I was getting in didn’t bother me like it should’ve. I was just being myself. Or at least that’s what I told myself.

I wish I could tell you that I remember in vivid detail the day I decided to change. But I can’t. All I can recall is that it was the summer before my freshman year. I was tired of my peers teasing me and egging me on, and I was sick of disappointing my parents. But most importantly, I was done letting myself down. Somewhere deep down inside of the dark abyss I call my heart and mind, I knew that being a “motormouth” or “jabber jaws” was not who I was. Being talkative was not my defining characteristic. Sure it was a part of me. But not the most important part. And that was the turning point. It was then that I promised myself that my parents would never get another phone call about me from one of my teachers. I wasn’t going to let a stupid label run my life.

It wasn’t like a big poof of dust and all my problems were solved. Every day in ninth grade I worked at it. And slowly but surely I began to redefine myself. I’m obviously not perfect, so I still slip up. I’ve had several close calls, but by some miracle, I’ve been able to stop myself just in time.

And sometimes, that label still comes back to haunt me. Last year in my choir class I was getting dangerously close to being the Old Natalie again. It didn’t do me any favors with the teacher, so this year I made the goal again. I would get my act together and I would do it fast. Well again, my hard work paid off. My teacher noticed the change and commented on it, giving me the encouragement I needed to continue on. However, not everyone was as impressed as he was. A dear friend of mine accused me of not being myself. In so many words, she said that Natalie is not Natalie if she’s not talking. I’m not going to lie, this stung.

But what it comes right down to, is that I know who I am and who I want to be and nothing anyone says or does can change that.